If Bayonetta were a person, she’d enter the room backwards whilst blowing a kiss, tossing her hair (which, believe it or not, is her mightiest weapon), and turning a casual pirouette that obliterates your chandelier. She’s the kind of video game character who makes other video game characters feel both underdressed and overdressed in equal measure. All of which is precisely why this titular character and its universe remain such a joy to this day. Fifteen years on from its initial UK and European release, Bayonetta remains badass.
But such a legacy wasn’t all plain sailing. Back in 2010, the PS3 version was a masterclass in how not to treat a future classic. Frame drops, muddy visuals, load times long enough to make a cup of tea and regret your life choices. A tragedy, really—akin to locking a prima ballerina in a janitor’s cupboard. But on its tenth birthday, the curtain raised anew. With 4K visuals and a buttery 60fps framerate, Bayonetta stands among the current crop, strutting her stuff across your living room with all the confidence of someone who knows exactly how fabulous they are. And always was.
Describing the story of Bayonetta is like trying to summarise a fever dream dictated by a cabaret singer halfway through a bottle of absinthe. There’s a witch, obviously. She’s lost her memory, naturally. She's been asleep for 500 years because of course she has. There are guns on her feet—yes, on her feet—and a whole celestial power struggle unfolding in the background while she backflips through angels like they’re mildly inconvenient pigeons.
The fictional European city of Vigrid is the setting, and the "Right Eye of the World" is the MacGuffin. But none of that really matters. The lore is delivered in cryptic asides, sepia-toned cutscenes, and the kind of dialogue that makes you wonder if the scriptwriter was paid in mushrooms. But the genius of it all is that you stop caring. Bayonetta’s story is gloriously bonkers, but it’s performed with such panache you’d follow her into hell and back, just to see what shoes she’s wearing.
Combat is the real star of the show, and here Bayonetta reveals herself to be less of a game and more of a rhythmic discipline. You don’t just fight—you dance. You pirouette. You obliterate. You chain together punches and kicks into balletic combos, summon enormous demonic limbs made of hair (yes, hair), and decimate angelic hordes in a style that’s one part opera, one part WWE.
The controls are tight, the combos are myriad, and the flow is hypnotic. It’s the kind of system that rewards mastery without punishing enthusiasm. Dodge at the last moment and you enter Witch Time—a beautiful mechanic that freezes enemies in place, as if to say, “Here, darling. Have a moment to admire your own brilliance.”
Few games have ever matched the fluid, intoxicating rhythm of Bayonetta. Nier: Automata made it more philosophical. But the original remains unrivalled in its sheer theatricality. You don’t just fight enemies. You embarrass them. You perform their demise.
Bayonetta herself is a creature of contradictions. Poised yet flippant, impossibly sexual but weirdly unknowable, she winks at the camera while decapitating a cherub with a stiletto. The camera, it must be said, returns the favour—lingering here and there in ways that some may find exploitative, though to be fair, she seems entirely in on the joke.
Clad in hair (again, yes, hair) and full of wisecracks, she’s a reminder that sexualisation and empowerment can sometimes share a cocktail. She’s a fantasy, yes—but one who holds the reins. If you’re uncomfortable, good. That’s the point. Bayonetta doesn’t want your approval—she wants your full, undivided attention. And she gets it.
The remaster is, in short, magnificent. It runs flawlessly, looks sublime, and fits the PS4/PS5 controller like it was born there. No longer tethered to the disappointing legacy of the PS3, Bayonetta will now feel like the masterpiece it always was, presented in the frame it always needed.
So if you missed it the first time—or worse, only played the broken PS3 version—this is your moment. Slide on your stilettos, load up your magical hair extensions, and prepare to be fabulous. Bayonetta is here to stay. And darling, she never left.
